It finally hit me that Social Media literally means “to be social.” I know what you’re thinking, “Duh!” But hear me out, especially if you’re an introvert like me. Going on social media when I don’t feel like being social is the same as going to a party full of people I feel ambivalent about at best. Sure, there are a few needles in a haystack with whom I enjoy having one-on-one conversations, but if that’s the case, then I’d much rather just pick up the phone. Or at most, send them a private message asking if that person wants to talk.
I believe the reason this is hitting me now is that I still give myself a hard time about my consistent lack of interest in social media. I feel guilty for not going on it more regularly and responding to people’s comments or liking their opinions and current adventures or projects. After all, social media comes with a sense of responsibility to our community, especially for a singer/songwriter who relies on her community for patronship. If you want more people to listen to your stuff, it is customary, if not obligatory, to listen to more of theirs.
I feel there is a double-standard between extroverts and introverts. It is natural and easy for extroverts to participate in social media because it’s like going to a party all the time. You get to see what everyone’s been up to and get your energy tank filled up in the process. According to Myers’ Briggs personality typing on the difference between Introverts and Extroverts, extroverts get their energy from other people and social experiences. Introverts, don’t. They can only fully recharge from more alone time, introverted activities, and taking social breaks. So, because we don’t get energy in the same way, it is a lot more stressful for introverts to keep up with the extroverted lifestyle, which includes social media.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where the extroverted lifestyle is celebrated, rewarded, and amplified in introvert’s faces. The demand and pressure to compete in a highly extroverted society, especially for a creative, is almost a must. Social media created a new wave of possibility when it comes to showing ourselves to the world that even writers, some of the most introverted bunch, are now required to have a social platform before getting published.
The world of social media demands participation in exchange for the promised equal amount of response on your stuff. It’s like paying favors with favors. Where’s the genuineness? How do we ever know that the likes and comments are real or manipulated in order to get favors in return?
Even now, I’m dreading certain social media responsibilities with Non Duo’s (my band) second album coming and all. How do I get people to listen to this beautiful music being created by my husband and me if I don’t go on social media that often? (Feel free to comment on this).
I remember a time when I could care less about all that “fitting in” and “being social” crap. All I needed was my family, my one or two best friends, my favorite activities in which I could get lost in for hours, and I was perfectly fine. It wasn’t until getting out of my shell became a matter of social survival that I slowly began to etch my way toward an extroverted lifestyle at the expense of more stress and some loss of identity.
Well, my recent experiences with panic are telling me that I need to reclaim my true identity and with that, more of my introversion. My body is pushing me in a direction I can no longer ignore. For most of my conscious life, extroversion has been pushed upon me by family, friends, and society. I’m sure you as well, my fellow introverts. It’s been told to us, subliminally, and outright, that to make a way in this world, we need to put ourselves out there more. But what if not?
Somehow, before the craze of social media, we managed. I’m not saying we all have to cancel our accounts and go rogue. All I’m saying is that we have options. We can open and close that door at will. I noticed that the laws of social nature don’t disappear whenever I close my door for a time. It’s still there. The comments, posts, messages, and new contacts still pop in even when I haven’t asked for them or did favors to get them.
There is a solution to the introverted nightmare of social media—CHOICE. I only ever have to go on my social media if I’m in the mood to go to a party and I only ever have to like and comment on things I actually like or can relate to. And if the world doesn’t think that’s enough, then it can, kindly, go ….
Some social media are worse than others. I can’t stand twitter and don’t understand instagram. But I have a lot of meaningful interactions on facebook. I think I’m an introvert too but I don’t think it stresses me out much because I’m still home in my box and can choose whether to interact or not, like you say.
This really resonates with me on many levels….I always thought that I wanted to be an extrovert, but realized on a very deep level, when I did “put myself out there”-how draining it was and a lot of times, psychologically damaging. I often feel forced to do social media stuff because of music, and people comment all the time how good I am at promotion. In a way, even though social media is in fact very social, as an introvert, I enjoy the physical distance of interaction with emails and fan outreach, but the flip side is what you said about being there socially online for other people. I often feel guilty about not liking everyones posts, listening to all their new releases, purchasing them, sharing them, etc. etc. when I am asking for the same. I appreciate my fans and supporters very much, but I don’t want to feel like I have to always do something in return-I just want people to genuinely comment or share if they want, and if they like the music-to buy it. I want to feel that way in return.
You’re right, there’s an aspect to social media that’s like social distancing, in which we can still be connected without putting too much of ourselves out there. For me, even that aspect works in bursts. I have to be in that kind of mood. I guess it’s just about being true to ourselves and to this moment. I think we’re just afraid that if we follow exactly how we feel in each moment, then we wouldn’t get very far. I still have those fears from time to time. It would be an interesting challenge though. Thanks for reading and sharing.
If it weren’t for music, I would likely keep my social media time to a minimum. I’m not as extroverted as I may seem. I feel like I have a healthy balance of both intro and extro. Sometimes, no matter how great the party, I’d rather have a brownie, get in my PJs and just be home doing whatever the hell I want. This stay-at-home order has been really easy for JJ and I. Actually, we’re enjoying it. We’re still creating music, still putting on shows and once in a while chatting with people. The hardest part is not being able to be affectionate with my family. JJ and I have been talking about moving out of the city for the last couple of years. This almost feels like we did.
Be okay with being an introvert. Just own it and do. Hugs to you and Paul <3 – Dolly
Thanks, Dolly. I feel the same about not being able to be affectionate with family. I have a little niece and nephew I haven’t been able to hug and that’s tough. As far as social media stuff goes, I guess it’s just a mirror for how we feel at this moment. If it feels like too much, then that’s what it is, and if it feels fun, then it becomes this great platform to connect and share. I do have some extroverted aspects to myself as well, but it’s dependent on mood. I suppose it’s not just an introversion thing, but a mood thing, which I guess is what makes someone an artistic type. Thanks for sharing.